I can't stop listening to this song. I took two, by Daedalus. It's very genius. And it sort of reminds me of this song. They're the types of songs that make me want to go out and kick some ass. Become something more than myself. It's very hard to more than oneself. I'd say it happens only a few times a year. True moments of brilliance and genius.

Sometimes when I'm biking around the city I also feel like those songs. But I have to see it from a third person point of view. When I picture myself like that I think that it's like a drum n bass video. Especially in the city, with all these strangers around me.

Strangers are a bit odd and remind me of alienation. Now I feel that my life is like a movie. I think that is it for now.

Having had a glorious summer of procrastinating on writing my memoir for way too long, getting maried, going to visit my mother in Africa and hanging out with my father, I logically ended up unemployed in Toronto this autumn. I could have gone anywhere else, but I must have felt as though I had some unfinished business here because I came right back.



At first, I wasn't planning on coming to Toronto. I even passed through Toronto and met with some friends, being all smug and thinking that I would not be there for a good little while. Then I encountered the furry of American border agents who refused me entry to the United States. Border agents are a hard reminder of the often oppresive powers of the state. True impersonal bureaucrats imposing rules from above, use meak individuals can do nothing to counter their computer powered obstination at refusing or allowing us entry to their country. And so, in the face of assholes wearing blue suits, Native American cigarette smugglers start to appear as true anarchist heroes destroying borders one zodiac boat at a time. But I digress...

So it is that I came back to the glorious gray skyline of west Toronto where I seem to have acclimatised myself unwillingly. At first I was quite confident that I would find a job at a moments notice. I found an apartment in three days in a basement with no windows and a short ceiling that forces me to bend in two whenever I need to shower (usually once a day). My upstairs neighbour smokes joints like it's going out of fashion so that the apartment usually smells of a mix of dirty dishes and mariuana. I am forced to leave the house often and early, otherwise the lack of sunshine puts me in a stuppor forcing me to play videogames and fall asleep.

Oddly enough, I've been quite happy here. I have good friends who are similarly unemployed. And perhaps more importantly, I started painting again. The thing with being unemployed is that you get a whole lot of free time all of a sudden. This was refreshing at first, then, I started going insane. Logically I decided to start painting, but since I'm very ADD I also got a bunch of Star Trek Deep Space Nine episodes from my friend. This has caused me to paint gloriously colorful apartments while watching space opera in a gloomy basement. I've been very happy about all that.

Bla bla bla

J'ai une bonne amie de Beijing à Toronto avec qui je me tiens beaucoup. C'est rassurant avoir des amis chinois! Donc elle étudie avec moi et on parle de politique souvent. Je la trouve intéressante parce que je suis tellement différent d'elle. Sont père était prof, puis il a travaillé dans le gouvernement et semble avoir été asser bien placé. Ensuite il a quitté quand son boss c'est suicidé (une bataille politique avec Jing Zemin ou quelque chose comme ça) et il a été en dévelopment immobilier. De toute évidence sa famille a de l'argent, mais sa ne lui a pas monté a la tête et elle travaille fort.

Donc, on parlais d'abord de Taiwan. Nous avons souvent cette discussion. Elle est de l'avis que Taiwan devrait revenir a la Chine, elle parle de Hong Kong et de "1 pays deux systèmes" qui pourrais accomoder Taiwan. Moi je pense plutôt que c'est les Taiwanais qui devrait décidé. Elle n'est pas d'accord, une minorité ne peux pas décider contre le bien de la majorité. Puis moi je parle de Québec, comment il on eu le droit de vote et tout. Personne ne gagne, mais on apprend beaucoup.

Ensuite on mangeais et elle m'a surpris en disant qu'elle pourrais être une femme traditionelle, qui fais attention a son mari ne s'occupe pas trop de son emplois. Je suis toujous surpris d'entendre cela parce que je suis entouré de femme forte et un peu féministe. Mais je pense que en Asie c'est une idée bien répandue, je lui est raconté comment un ami un peu mysogyne en Chine pensais. Elle était d'accord et disais qu'elle pourrait très bien vivre comme ça. Moi ça me dérange.

Je pense que c'est drôle comment je peu comprendre les valeurs asiatique, les idées chinoise et tout, mais je ne peux pas les accepter, je ne viens pas du même endroit. Et c'est une discussion difficile a avoir parce que se n'est pas une discussion entre individus, mais une discussion entre deux société, qui existe à un niveau plus élevé. Nous n'avons pas les même connaissance et valeurs politique.

Monday in Toronto

I woke up slowly this morning, but I wanted to wake up fast anyway. I was a bit grumpy and felt bad, and then I was walking in the street that said "look good, feel amazing, be happy" or something like that. It was an advertising for something I don't know what. I took the advice and my day has been going great. Then later I saw a sign that said "stay cool and keep walking". There was a crazy guy, that was saying crazy shit and I just kept walking. I think it is good to just follow the advices of random signs. Like stop signs, always follow the advices of stop signs when you drive.

Weekend

I went to the Algonquin park this weekend. It is a really large park and I realized that the US has a lot more protected areas than Canada. We only protect like 7% of the country compared to like 25% in the US. Canada is such a bitch sometimes. This park was awesome though with lots of trees, rocks and lakes. True Canadian wildlife at its best. I even saw two moose. I went there with the Chinese student association of the University of Toronto. It was a bit odd because I was the only non-Chinese in the group of like 160 people. It is a bit odd how cut off from Canadian reality a lot of these students are. At the same time they are not quite your typical Chinese in the way that they are living in Canada. I think it was my first time really getting out of the city since I came back to Canada a month ago. The outdoors in this country is really similar everywhere you go and a lot of it reminded me of my youth. at the same time it is odd to rediscover your country with a group of foreigners. I think they have a different view of things. It is mostly focused on taking a lot of pictures. But that might have something to do with the nature of the trip. One day, a bus over a hundred people, 20 minute break everywhere we go, shoot a picture, go go go.

I had a good moment of epiphany sitting next to a lake with hundred of Chinese kids taking picture of each other. It was getting cold outside, this being October and all. I was looking at the sun and realized that it was cold because we are a tiny rock in the universe, and if the sun doesn't heat us enough we get cold. I felt small and I think that is good for me. It puts things in perspective. I am worthless, work hard, be strong, enjoy what you have. Is this a Chinese view of the world? Probably not.

Today I had a strange encounter on my way to school. I cut off a pedestrian on my bike by cutting a red light. I didn't think too much about it. Then this car drives next to me and he's like "hey why don't you respect the law, you almost hit that pedestrian" and I was like " no man, I just cut him off". Then he was like "bullshit!" and he drove off. I kind of respect that guy, and I guess he was right. I kept on biking and I was thinking about these cool answers I could have given him like "why are you driving your SUV? Cuse you are selfish and so am I, start biking and I'll respect the law" or "because I have a strange sense of entitlement about not being from Toronto. By burning the reds I am establishing my identity as an outsider". Anyway, I guess I will be more careful from now on. People in Toronto really respect the rules. As they say in China 入乡随俗 (enter the village, follow the rules) when in Rome do as the Romans do. Toronto is no Rome though... 
 

Biking

I was biking today and I saw the most intense thing. This guy passed me going crack cocaine fast. Crack cocaine fast is a demonic dangerous speed as opposed to just normal bike messenger or racer fast, the crack cocaine fast biker will tend to have a bad bike and horrible biking technique, his speed also seems to be unsustainable over a long period of time. So this guy passes me by and after like 5 seconds he slipped on the tramway rail and fell right on his side. His head sort of hit this car that was parked next to us. I immediately stopped to ask if everything was alright. He got up really fast and looking at me was like "Yeah, that was really intense. WOOH! That's a lot of adrenaline! YEAH!". He then jumped right back on to his bike and started going super fast again. I think after a while he realized he was hurt because I saw him get off his bike. Maybe he just arrived where he was going. It was really intense.

For a while Toronto was making me feel inadequate. I think it had to do with Rob Ford. He is this mayoral candidate that is leading the electoral race. I saw a video of him online where he was saying that bikes shouldn't be on the roads because roads are built to accommodate trucks, buses and cars. I was pretty insulted and I was seeing him everywhere. I thought that Toronto drivers were really rude to bikes and hated bikers because they wanted to vote for him. I think now I am feeling a bit better about it. I am getting used to the traffic here and I seem to get in a bit less trouble with the cars. I still jaybike a bit to much though. Them Torontonians don't even walk on the red, noneless bike.

I have been interacting with the city on my bike. Slowly discovering. It is nice and my superior speed and versatility make me feel superior to cars and pedestrians. I hope I won't have to walk this winter.

This Week's music

This week I am into the Polaris prize nominees, but only 3 of them really: